Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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