i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
