Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
