im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize