so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
