Porn is love you can see.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Be still, my beating vagina.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
