I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
