In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
