His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
