i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
