ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
