im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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