Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
