a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why didn't you poke me back
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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