Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
