So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
