I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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