Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
