Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
