How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
