never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
