just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
