Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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