before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize