Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
