you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just gargled with NyQuil
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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