just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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