you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
