You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
