So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
