Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
