WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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