Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize