I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
