Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
