I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
This house was built for laser tag.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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