woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
