I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
