I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
