I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm determined to sit on that face.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
