Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
