I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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