I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
