i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
