I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
