no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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