My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drake has all the answers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
