totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
