im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
