dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
