they need to just BURY HIM!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
