She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize