i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
