A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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