We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
