yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize