Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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