i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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