I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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