i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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