You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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