guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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