i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
