Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
