My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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