I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize