I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize