just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize