I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
