I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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